Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
