The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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