hotel room ftw
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
