so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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