There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
