Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
