Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
