his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
