Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
