you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
