Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
