doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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