i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
