I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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