Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You are a genius and a whore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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