I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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