she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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