Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
