I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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