Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
