y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize