Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
