omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
