Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
