Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
