Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just google imaged poop.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
