wanna go halves on a baby?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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