you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
