dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
