He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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