If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
