Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
