i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
