You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
