nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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