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I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
