the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
