it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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