Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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