I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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