Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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