im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
