I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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