How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
