I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
