Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize