the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
