Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
