brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize