Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
