Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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