And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
