I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
