One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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