:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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