dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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