sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
