I'm so fucking centered right now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
