Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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