So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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