I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
