Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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