kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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