Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
