i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
