god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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