Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
