and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
