I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
