i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
